Himitsu no Namida
by Ri Aikyo
Summary: 'Although he was a Zen Buddhist monk, who was supposed to be accepting and unafraid of death, the reality was: he didn't want to die! At least, not anymore...' -(exerpt from story) One-shot Miroku/Sango, friendship only.


**A/N:**** I was tired of Miroku being so stoic and unemotional, so this is what I came up with. I hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Miroku or Sango.**

**Himitsu no Namida**

Beyond the constant flirting with every beautiful woman he saw, the endless groping of Sango's backside, and the numerous cons he pulled to get free food and shelter; there was a side of Miroku that no one ever saw. The side which was full of pain and terrified that he would be consumed by his kazaana before they could defeat Naraku.

Although he was a Zen Buddhist monk, who was supposed to be accepting and unafraid of death, the reality was: he didn't want to die! At least, not anymore...

Now he had friends who dearly cared for him and whom he also deeply cared about. Especially Sango.

He hadn't planned to, for he thought it was something that was completely impossible, but, he had fallen utterly in love with the taijiya. And that was what had caused this secret side of Miroku to appear.

It was never like him to allow his heart to become so vulnerable to emotions, however there was just something about Sango that made him want to stay by her side and protect her always. But in order for that to happen...

"Damn!" he whispered angrily, tears streaking down his face as he looked to his cursed hand. Why did he have to bear such a cruel fate? It wasn't fair that he had to face an early death all on account of his grandfather. "Dammit!"

The monk curled his ill-fated hand into a tight fist as he hung his head and silently cried. And there it was: the secret side of himself that he kept hidden until everyone was asleep. It wasn't that he was necessarily ashamed of his grief, but he just couldn't bring himself to share his fears and make the others worry. In the fight against Naraku they all had to be at their best; emotions would only get in the way. So, as always, he had to bear the pain alone.

His tears suddenly became more intense and he had to clamp a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound of his sobs, so as not to wake anyone. If he hadn't been on the night watch, he would have been free to leave and cry in private. _Get it together Miroku, or you are sure to wake someone. _

He drew in a deep breath and let it out shakily while pulling a cloth from his robe to dry his face, not realizing that he had secretly been watched the entire time.

Sango was blinking back her own tears as she contemplated whether or not she should comfort the distraught monk, utterly shocked at his display of such intense emotion. The taijiya had always thought him to be so carefree, not letting anything bother him. She, like everyone else, had been unable to see the agony behind the bright smile. _Houshi-sama, gomen nasai..._ Sango then watched as he went to dry his face, but instead ended up breaking down once more and she knew what she had to do. She couldn't just leave him to suffer alone, so she silently got up from her sleeping bag and crossed to where he sat, on the other side of the campfire.

Miroku had his hand covering his face, so he didn't see her approach him and he nearly jumped out of his skin when she lightly touched his shoulder.

"Houshi-sama, daijoubu?"

"S-Sango?!" he stammered, a bit too loudly due to his surprise, quickly lowering his voice before continuing. "What are you doing up? I didn't wake you did I?"

"Iie," she replied, taking a seat next to him, her heart breaking even further at how guilty he sounded. The taijiya then reached up and gently brushed her fingers against his cheek, watching his violet orbs widen in shock. "Why are you crying Houshi-sama?"

The monk turned his face away from her and lowered his head in shame; she was the last person he had wanted to see him weeping. He didn't know what to say, for he couldn't possibly tell her, 'Because I'm secretly in love with you, but am afraid that I won't be around much longer.' Miroku then felt her gently place a hand on his arm and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly, more tears slipping down his cheeks. A whimper escaped him as his throat constricted to the point it was even painful to breathe.

How had he let this happen? He wasn't supposed to fall in love! Damn, why had he allowed himself to join with InuYasha and Kagome? That was the whole reason he had left Musshin, so he wouldn't be in any danger.

Now, not only was he risking more innocent people's lives, he was placing the woman he loved in harm's way too. _Damn! DAMN! __**DAMN!**_

Miroku let out a broken sob and seconds later found himself wrapped in the taijiya's tender embrace, causing him to blink in surprise.

"It's okay if you can't tell me, but I just couldn't stand to see you having to bear such grief alone. So please, at least let me comfort you the best way I know how," Sango said quietly, feeling his body tense in initial resistance, then completely relax as he buried his face in her shoulder, arms wrapping around her tightly.

Once he was in the warmth and protection of her embrace, he completely lost it and wept openly, using her body to muffle the sound of his lament, while she lovingly cradled his head with one hand and rubbed his back with the other.

"Oh Houshi-sama, I'm so sorry for not realizing sooner how much pain you were in," she whispered after several minutes had passed, tears in her own eyes. The taijiya felt him shift at her words, then push away from her to look her in the face.

"Sango, you have nothing to apologize for," he forced out, voice strained and shaky, his hands moving to cup her face. He swiped his thumbs across her wet cheeks before continuing, "I was the one that didn't let you guys know how I was really feeling, because I was afraid it would hinder us in our fight with Naraku. And for that I am sorry."

"Oh," was all Sango could say, watching more grief fill his violet orbs as he struggled to get his emotions under control.

"I'm terrified Sango," he finally admitted softly, leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers, his hands still holding her face. "I am so scared that we will not defeat Naraku in time and I will fall victim to my kazaana, before I can..." More tears raced down his pale cheeks as his throat grew painfully tight again. He couldn't tell her yet, not while he was still so emotional, otherwise he would probably never stop crying.

"Before you can 'what', Houshi-sama?" she asked, gently placing her hands over his, but he merely shook his head and pulled away to look at her once more.

"I can't say right now, but one day soon I promise I will tell you," he said, then took his hands from her face and pulled her close, needing the calming, intimate contact.

"Houshi-sama..."

He didn't care if his secret was now known, he loved this woman and by the gods he was going to do everything in his power to make sure he was able to stay by her side! The kazaana was not going to consume him as it had his father and grandfather! He was not going to let Naraku win!

"Sango-chan..." _Ai Shiteru..._ "Arigatou."

~*Owari*~

So, how did you like it? Please let me know with a review. Arigatou gozaimasu!


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